July 4: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Trivia

We hold these truths to be self-evident, although many of you found them dubiously evident or, in some cases, inevident, which is self-evidently a word, trust me. That: Pringles were once "newfangled;" "y'all" is second-person plural for people who, ironically, probably don't know what that means; Sean can't pronounce "labret"; Rube Goldberg was a badass cartoonist; Tootie has come a long way; and most importantly, to quote our Most Average Team, fireworks schmireworks. There is no more American way to celebrate the birth of our great nation than through the dissemination of useless knowledge, for they are the bricks of democracy, and booze the mortar. God bless trivia, and God bless America. Amen.

WINNERS:

1st place: The Wet Dream Team (43/50)

2nd place: Unalienable Wrongs (42)

3rd place: Uptown Thumbs Down (40)

4th place: George Washington Side Boob (40)

5th place: I Like It (40)

Learn Some Shit: Cup o' Soup! (11)

And our Most Average Team (unpictured, bitches), who will be sharing the stage next week and throwing on some tunes that I'm sure will be far better than Lightning fucking Crashes: Fireworks, Schmireworks. Indeed.

See you Sunday!

-c