3/1 Trivia @ Darby's: A whole new mega world

Good morning my Darby Darlings,

We are living in a brave new world of mega rounds and high scores. But even while the rules of trivia change, there are still many familiar faces in this week's hall of eternal and everlasting perptual champions of winning.

3.1 4th place winners, It's not a party til Mel falls down, make me feel like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVo7jCXwVKE

3.1 The Saga of Optimus Sub-Prime Lending Scheme, Chapter 4: Time is of the essence. It always is when you are plummeting 16,000 feet to your doom. Our heroes were riding China's Qingzang railway with the Secret King of Montenegro when their train was hijacked by a group of gun-toting teenage werewolves. These anarchist supine sabotaged the track at the Tanggula Pass, sending the locomotive careening off a cliff. Now in a free-fall, our heroes had a decision to make: which motherfuckin' werewolf wants to die first?

3.1 2nd place champs, Team Jobin, make me feel like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OusS9v9JAt8

3.1 First time Darby's champions, Pirates of Awesome 2: Back to the Minors, definitely make me feel like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kzQolxV3GM

WOOP WOOP! See you all at trivia this week at Darby's!

February Trivia @ Darby's: Month Recap Edition

Ohmyohmyohmyohmy!

My Darby Darlings, I have not forgotten you! It has been a fast month! I was too busy celebrating black history to post our winners these past three weeks, but let's do it all in this massive recap of the month of love.

Week 1: February 1st!

2.1 THE SECRET MYSTERY PRIZE IS SO MYSTERIOUS AND SECRETIVE THAT IT APPEARS OVEREXPOSED IN PHOTOGRAPHS. ONLY OLIVER MILLER MELTDOWN KNOWS THE TREASURE THEY HOLD.

2.1 The Bar Stool Bandits are kind of like the Berenstain Bears except that instead of being anthropomorphic animals named after family role, they are actually our 3rd place winners.

2.1 When we last left our heroes, Optimus Sub Prime Lending Scheme, they had just acquired the Zora Sapphire after saving a princess from the stomach of her giant fish deity. Now that they have finally collected all three Spiritual Stones, they can enter the Sacred Realm and claim the best trivia prize of them all.

2.1 Trivia Tools took first place at trivia. They also beat me at Connect Four, Chess, Mario Kart 64, jacks and cribbage. Then they beat me out for the big promotion and married the girl of my dreams. They're likable and the life of every party they attend. Superior human beings right here.

Week 2: February 15th!

2.15 Uncle Touchy's Naked Puzzle Basement got 4th place at trivia but 1st place in Bozo's Buckets. So, you know... they have THAT going for them.

2.15 Third place winners, Sorry My Farts Snell, are amazing, yeah they're all that. If they ain't on their grind, then what you call that? Victorious, yeah, they warriors. They make history, strive off victories. Standing at their podium, they're tryin' to watch their sodium. Die of high blood pressure, either let the feds get ya. They're amazing, born on a full moon. They were bred to get it in, no spoon. That's why they're so goose. Summertime, no juice. Big family, small house, no room.
We're like "oh god, why they go so hard? Look what they've been through! They deserve an applause!"

2.15 Optimus Sub-Prime Lending Scheme Chapter 3: The stakes had never been higher. The Special Cup Gran Prix championship hinged on this race. They knew the race would be dangerous as all pure-blooded go-karters intrinsically know. But this was getting out of hand. In the previous race, a driver was blind-sided by a red turtle shell and knocked into a pit of lava. The officials pulled the debris out of the burning magma with a fishing pole, but it was too late, the driver was scalded beyond recognition. Reckless abandon and a powerful engine are the marks of these champions. Still, as their motors ignite and the countdown begins on this rainbow road, the question remains: How can a gorilla drive a go-kart?

2.15 Team Jobin asked me to photoshop Parks and Recreation characters into their photo. But I forgot and I don't have Photoshop on this computer. BUT I do have MS Paint, so I did the best I could. I'll do better the next time you win Team Jobin, I promise! Also, everybody should watch Parks and Recreation on NBC on Thursday nights. It is crazy funny.

Week 3: February 22nd!

2.22 Allie Gator's favorite kind of Girl Scout cookie is Tagalongs. That is why they are in 4th place. Because we all know Samoas are where that ish is AT! Samoas: the girl scout cookie of winners.

2.22 Team Jobin must always get discounted booze at bars, because every hour spent with them is a happy one.

2.22 Our 2nd place winners are Come See Scott Olstad at Trivia! I promise that is their name. I'm totally not making that up in a shameless attempt to market trivia at Darby's. I would never sell out like that. In unrelated news, my money is on Team Drink Coca-Cola to win this week's special Nike Air Jordan Trivia at Darby's. This message was brought to you by Levi Jeans.

2.22 Optimus Sub-Prime Lending Scheme was one point away from a perfect game. They actually knew the correct answer for their one missed question, but wisely realized they didn't want to peak too early in life. After a perfect trivia score, it's all downhill from there. Good move guys.

OKAY NOW WE ARE ALL CAUGHT UP AND IT IS TIME FOR ANOTHER FUUUUUUUUUUN MONTH OF TRIVIA! I'll see you all there!

1/25 Trivia @ Darby's: The Day Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow

Hey all you _________!

We need a nickname. What do we call this motley ragtime group of freedom fighters that congregate every week for Tuesday night trivia? Are we Darbites? Darbettes? Darby Darlings? Let's put our heads together! Let me know what you think at this weeks' trivia.

Anyway, I need to make an announcement before we get to this week's entries to the hall of eternal and everlasting champions of winning victoriously. As you may have noticed, all of the photos on the blog are cropped. Many brave men and women have lost half of their faces to this strange formatting peculiarity. I could resize my photos or use a less ace camera. Or you can click on over to the Trivia Mafia @ Darby's facebook group and see the full, uncropped photos posted there every single week! Yeah, let's do that option.

On to the champions!

1.25 State of the Onion Ring could have placed 1st. But placing 4th was on their Bucket List, and they are all HUGE Morgan Freeman fans.

1.25 Optimus Subprime Lending Scheme shed a few team members this week but won the tiebreaker to take 3rd place. Is it bad I can make more jokes about Transformers than I can about subprime lending schemes? It is, isn't it? To be fair though, there is absolutely nothing funny about subprime lending schemes.

1.25 I waited 20 minutes after trivia to take a photo of 2nd place champions Pelvit. They were too busy playing Big Buck Safari. AKA the coolest victory celebration possible?

1.25 I don't think 1st place winners Las Bañanas read the Trivia Mafia website and I KNOW they aren't in the Darby's Facebook group. That means I can tell you whatever lies about them that I want. Las Bañanas hate animals, breakfast and new-car smell. In 1996 they voted for Ross Perot. They pronounce the word "library" as "lie-berry." One of them has been convicted of three felonies. The other works at an animal shelter and knowingly sends puppies to abusive homes. Both like the Star Wars prequels.

BEEP BOOP BOOP See you all at trivia this Tuesday at 8PM! Bring nickname suggestions!

1/18 TRIVIA @ DARBY'S: Important public service announcements

ATTENTION EVERYBODY. I HAVE AN IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.

It has come to my attention that many of you are having trouble finding the Trivia Mafia at Darby's Pub and Grill facebook group. Don't worry! I often find Facebook confusing as well. That is why I have come here today to provide you with a link. Click it, and you will be taken to the group page. And then you can join the group and we can be friends that never end! Do it! We have nothing BUT good times in our Facebook group. Join today!

And now on to this week's fabulous winners!

1.18 Boss Goss is a cross between Ross and lacrosse. Across the gloss moss they toss the loss sauce. They also won 4th place! Brought to you by Dr. Seuss.

1.18 Optimus Sub-Prime Lending Scheme probably has my favorite name in trivia history. I was going to give them extra points for it, BUT I TOTALLY DID NOT BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE UNETHICAL AND OF COURSE I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING THAT IS CONSIDERED BAD BY EVEN THE MOST PRUDENT OF PEOPLE. Whew. I'm glad I got that out of the way. They won 3rd place with points they earned through legitimate means. Trust me.

1.18 I was going to write very nice things about the Febreeze Brothers here. But guess who forgot to pay me my bribes this week? It's easy people. Buy me a beer and I'll compliment your physical features. But me Super Nintendo games and I will write a nice letter of recommendation for you (unless it's a game I already have, in which case I'll just be an enthusiastic reference). Buy me a pizza, and I'll love you for the rest of your life. Easy right? Febreeze Brothers didn't buy me anything. So here they are in 2nd place.

1.18 Team Jobin requested I make a funny I Love You Man reference again this week, but I haven't seen that movie in a year. So instead I spent 20 minutes photoshopping Paul Rudd and Jason Segal into their trivia photo. I know I know. It DOES look just like the real thing.

Let's review. These people are all awesome. You will be awesome once you come to trivia. And you will feel awesome the moment you join our Facebook group! See you at Darby's!

1/4 and 1/11 Trivia @ Darby's: Life is a Basketball Game

WOW, I think time moves faster in 2011. We are already on our third week of trivia in this brave new year. I know one this is for sure about 2k11: you are all as handsome and intelligent as ever. Let's waste no time in recapping the eternal and everlasting champions of winning from our past two weeks at Darby's!

1.4 Too Cold for MN won a secret mystery prize for taking 4th place. They also... I'm sorry. I'm watching Arrested Development. This show is so funny. Tobias is dressing up as a british nanny and Gob's puppet Franklin is talking some jive ish.

1.4 9 Minutes Late showed up 540 seconds after 8PM. Then they took third. Let this be a lesson to anybody considering a late arrival. Show up late if you like getting second loser.

1.4 Mittens for Kittens are in Minneapolis for three weeks. They recently struck oil and are now worth a combined $428.8 million. After their stay, they plan to promptly relocate to a tropical island. They are spending three weeks in Minnesota to remind themselves that not even Joe Mauer is worth this weather. They also took second place.

1.4 Howlin' Hankies won first place again. This is a borderline dynasty, people. No team has ever won three weeks in row! Can they do it? Find out at this week's trivia! BA BUM BUUUUUUUUUUM

1.11 Sometimes just showing up is enough to win 4th place. But Tom's Lady has a Beard had to beat four other teams to reach this esteemed position this week. So... you know, respect.

1.11 Los Pollos Locos took third place this week. Even more remarkable is that they did so while blindfolded and sitting outside in the snow. They were allowed to come inside to warm-up in a hot tub every 15 minutes. We decided that more people would come to trivia if it were more like a Japanese game show. It didn't work, but third place isn't bad.

1.11 Sydney Slicka, Dude Von Dudenstein and Totes Magotes are all members of team Jobin. You may not understand these jokes, but 2nd place team Jobin and I sure do.

1.11 If Brian's Dad's Caramel's were an NBA player, which player would they be? They could be Shaq, because of their lovable personalities. They could be Amar'e Stoudemire because of the weird apostrophes in their name. But I'm going to say Michael Jordan, because they are this week's champions.

Do you notice how much fun everybody looks like they're having in these photos? Come find out why everyone is so happy at trivia this week! Darby's is the place to be every Tuesday at 8 PM! Who knows, maybe you'll see yourself right here in the hall of eternal and everlasting champions of winning and infinite glory! See you there!