Nuthin' like a Tuesday night full of fabulous trivia competitors, PBR tall boys (whiskey and Pacifico for moi - it helps me stand "akimbo"), and an image round completely devoted to the work of Jeff Bridges. Should we be collectively concerned that the freshly Oscared Jeff has comfortably transformed into his 1998 alter-ego Jeffrey Lebowski - a man in the parlance of his times? Nah. The dude abides. Though this "Steve the Host Sans Stocking Cap/Kane the Bartender sans beard" look ain't too shabby.

 

 

Hmm, a couple weeks ago the newly crowned third place team was in Learn Some Shite award territory - encroaching on my beloved Learn Some Shite Sirens. But I don't know if it's the assistance of the artichoke dip spiked with Ritalin or what - but some thing smells fishy...or methaney, cuz team TGI Farted their way to third place this week!!! 27 points! Gather more pieces of flare, and show me what yall got next week!

 

A terse tiebreaker was required to decide the top two spots. Seasoned Tuesday night veterans, labeled this week as B**ch, I Live in a Mutha F**kin' Trash Can!, chose brave Rob to do the duel. The question? "Before Oscar winners can sell their Oscars, they must offer it to the Academy for what price?" Rob's guess? $64,000. Team Ramrod's duelist's answer? A buck...and that's spot on! $1 buck for an Oscar sale? How's Cuba Gooding Jr. supposed to score a month's supply of Ramen noodles with that kinda scratch? Kudos to the Ramrod, who have slowly climbed the victory ladder these past several weeks!

 

An Oscar-free week of trivia questions awaits next week, I think.

Damn good question. Let's see...

 

With an outstanding score for third place, The Talls secure the bronze with 27 points. Despite the apparent confusion, I think everyone is holding up three fingers to indicate team ranking. Or do they all have to go number three? Ewww.

 

God Bless Amurrica jumps from third to second place this week with 28 points. Congrats to Karl Pilkington and the team (for a reminder of my unflattering celebrity (or terrorist) doppelganger, refer to the previous blog post). They were How Dare You! last week fyi.

 

A returning to the top three after a week off is team We Had a 3some. R U the Babydaddy? with an oppressive 29/30 points! And it's impossible that I could be the babydaddy...I've had my tubes tied.

Oh, and can't forget Learn Some Shite Sirens Quieres Novio Mexicano? They're freshly tanned (this is the only photo ever safely captured of the the LSSS, in pre-tanned times), and fresh outta correct answers. Gotta love 'em! 

 

On that note, I'm out like Adam Lambert. Let's try this again next week, my Saint Peazy peeps!

Two things were made quite clear to me Tuesday night: 1) If I wasn't concerned about Homeland Security red flags - my Facebook doppelganger would clearly be former Al-Qaeda in Iraq leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and 2) the few faithful who showed up to play HATED the questions. "These questions are way too hard", I heard frequently. "Are there any questions someone from our generation would know?" And my favorite: "Who in the hell would know what Crash Test Dummies album "Hmm Hmm Hmm Hmm" was on?" Alright, the last grievance is justified. I even kept calling them Bare Naked Ladies, but all those Canadian bands look the same to me. Quirky, beaver lovin' bastards. I was even vicarious pissed when I noticed that questions 9 and 10 of the Sweet "Harts" Image Round (name the person or character whose last name is "Hart") asked for the first names of the characters on the 80's TV show "Hart to Hart". I grew up on syndicated TV as much as the next dweeb - but jeepers christ! I'd rather take an entire round of "Simon & Simon" related questions. Kudos to John - the surly, Courvoisier-addled curmudgeon at the bar, who knew that Robert Wagner and Stephanie Powers portrayed Jonathan and Jennifer Hart, respectively. In fact, those two questions were the only ones he attempted to answer. Just to put the building-wide complaining in prospective, you all complained last night as much as Courvoisier John does on any given Tuesday through Monday night at the Green Mill. Let that settle in a bit.

 

 

Without a single complaint, frequent champs The Stimulus Package humiliated the crowd with a first place victory of a mere 24 points! Perhaps the lowest first place score I've ever seen, but a fantastic score considering the difficulty. Bravo!

 

With several complaints, this group of frequent champs aptly titled themselves Formal Complaint this week, and took second place with 22 points! They were so angered by the tough questions that they volunteered to show up to the Mill early next week and make up the questions themselves. Over my terrorist-doppelganger's dead body!...Oh, two 500 lb bombs atop his safehouse took care of that four years back. Well then...gear up for some categories devoted to Harry Potter and Heidi Montag (two Heidi categories: before and after her surgeries).

 

With several complaints, some trivia host-mockery, and a less than subtle team name, How Dare You! indigently earned third place with 21 total points! Congrats, and go the hell (aka Thunder Bay, Canada)!

 

The masochist in me hopes next week will be more ridiculously hard. Til then... 

 

Team Phone Doodle (above) diddled team My Online Russian Boyfriend SPARKLES (below) in a tasty tiebreaker for first place! They were tied with 27, when Doodle (who strike a bad-ass christian rock band-pose in this shot) had a closer guess as to how many pounds of shredded cheddar lies atop the 2 million bowls of chili consumed annually in Cincinnati (850,00 lbs o' cheddar). Barf-tacular!

 

The Talls were only one point shy of joining in on a tiebreaker three-way, but take the bronze nevertheless. In conjunction with our mediocre category involving phones, The Talls use their photo op to provide a brief pictorial history of phones through the ages. I think the right-center lady is sexting Tiger again. He's fresh outta treatment, dammit! Cool it!

 

 

For the second week in a row, first place goes to the fellas from Pig Court Executes Vegan (formerly Phone Doodle...they use team doodles rather than team names, as evident from previous posts)! They look less like a christian rock group in this pic, and more like a christian contemporary quartet. 28/30 points.

 

Back in the top three, The Stimulus Package take second place with 27 points! They knew that Wee Willie, the Punxsutawney Phil of Canada, is an albino - specifically a groundhog with achromatosis. I would totally sign on with this Canadian as my pale prognosticator. Wait, that's Martin Short as Canadian albino sex symbol Jackie Rogers Junior. Groovy, man.

 

Third place goes to the Attractive Nuisances, with 25 points! And extra congrats to Nuisances for not cracking up like junior high kids when I asked from what country hails Balzac. Oh, wait...Balzac? ROTFLLAFF!!! I wrote Balzac.

 

Know your sexy lyrics for next time, and also...MORE Canadian questions? Oh well. Balzac.